28.09.12 (September 28, 2012)

So... all is okay here. I'm not going to lie... I had a day where I was completely homesick but I got passed it. I think it's impossible to go to a foreign country by yourself as a teenager for ten months and not get a little homesick. It felt like everything here was a reminder of what I was missing at home. Kristina did something that my sister always does, we were celebrating Verena's birthday and I was thinking about the birthdays I was missing and what we do at home.

Honestly, I just felt awkward. I was at a birthday gathering and I didn't understand what was going on. I was asked if I wanted to something to eat and at the time I didn't but then later I did and I felt awkward asking so I didn't.

The day started out with school and at lunch I just sat by myself waiting until my next class... I felt excluded though I know no one was trying to do that. If I want to hang out with people, I need to make the first move but, it just wasn't a good day and I didn't think about that at the time. I guess I just need to become somewhat clingy and bother people until they are forced to tolerate me long enough to like me and want to be friends. But, I feel uncomfortable trying to speak German even if I am pretty sure what I'm saying is right (Realistically, I know people won't laugh at me but, there's that fear). I have thought about it a lot and now realize... I'm in an exchange program... people here are nice... even if they laugh and I feel uncomfortable.... I will learn from that.

After school (it was my long day... school went from 7:45 to 4:40 for me), we immediatly left for Münster to go celebrate my host sister's sister Verena's 24th birthday. I felt out of place with a bunch of people I didn't know that were all older than me and spoke a language I'm not fluent in. I was uncomfortable and really homesick. I declined everything they offered me. It was weird and scary. They were eating  Mettbrot which is a piece of toasted German bread of some sort buttered with raw ground beef (tartar), onions, and salt and pepper if you chooose. The concept of eating raw ground beef scared me, so I didn't eat it. Then like an hour and 45 minutes later I was REALLY hungry (remember I declined everything offered) and they were offering it to the people who just arrived and I decided to try it.... I actually really liked it.... and I was no longer hungry so that's a plus. Trying something I would most certaintly not eat at home helped cure me of my homesickness... and then when they asked me if I was sure i didn't want any tirimisu that they offered at the beginging (and they asked in German) I said yes... if was very good.

On to another topic. German tests. They're called a Klausur or Klauseren in the plural form. I had my first one today. It was three hours long and it has been decided I only have to take the Klauseren in English because all Klauseren besides math are essay tests. I took the test and.... was done in 45 minutes... this probably means it wasn't very good but I'm used to the 45 minute test... and I don't have three hours worth of ANYTHING to write let alone the British Monarchy and this one dude's view on it (he didn't like it). And then the rest of school was normal (German normal).

I then went home (my host house) and played board games with my host mom as we drank coffee and went with her to walk and play with the dog, Mila.

All in all, I'm doing well. I may have had homesickness but at least I got over the first hurdle relatively unscathed. Also, I can now say I have taken a German Klausur... so.... I've done something you probably haven't (unless any of my German friends are reading this).

I miss everyone but I'll be just fine... I am just fine.

~The Redhead Kansan in Germany (AKA Madison Jeannine Wallace)

P.S. Me noting the homesickness isn't so anyone is worried (mom), I just thought I would share my experiences with everyone and be honest... not everything is always going to be perfect so I won't pretend like it is.