11.10.12 (October 10, 2012)

Hallo. So, it's fall break here for two weeks... it's been going on this week so, I only have one more week left before I go back to German school.... and I can't wait.

Honestly, I've been completly bored this week. I just don't know what to do. If I did what I would do at home if I was bored (be online all day), it wouldn't be very helpful in learning German.... and watching TV, in a language you don't know very well, gets old pretty fast.

I feel like my host family thinks I'm anti-social because I'm often just in my room (this is the same in the states but it just feels like I shouldn't be doing that here) So, I'm at a lost... and I don't feel like I've really learned much German... and that's probably because I just don't have the determination to sit for hours and study... I really just don't know what to do.... I kind of just feel awkward and out of place. I feel so frustrated [and for those of you who really know me (mom), you know how well I deal with that.... a lot of crying and luckily there is no arguing this time {I don't even want to think about arguing in German :)}]

Well, I have hung out with people a couple times since I last posted... but I only hang out with people when they initiate it... I know I should take the initiative but when it comes to trying to make friends (in a foreign country and language), I apparently have none.

My host mom keeps telling me that it I want to have people over to hang out then I can but, I don't know who I would ask and I don't know what I would do to hang out....

All in all, I am feeling incredibly bored and awkward right now and I'm kind of worried that I won't make freinds that I hang out with consistently and/or that I'll go home not having learned much German.... I know I still have 8 months left in my exchange and this adventure.... I'm sure it will all improve.... and by the end of the year, I hope I am no longer the awkward American exchange student (which might just be in my mind.)

I'll be just fine and I just keep telling myself that others are and have gone through the same feelings and changes in environment as me... and they all have and will survive..... so I will to.

All in all.... I'm spending 10 months in Germany... it's meant to be filled with uncomfortablness. And anyway very few great things come easy... that just means that when I finally have a conversation in German that I fully understand (although, that may not be until June when I leave :)) and make solid friends (that I hang out with consistently and outside of school), it will all be much more worth it because I have felt awkward and uncomfortable and have had to work at it (a lot).

Easyness is over-rated anyway.... and what's life without the uncomfortable moments....

My only real problem.... it what to do with all this free time I have without debate and all the other activities I do.... and how to have whatever it is I'm doing in my free time not relate to the English language.... Any suggestions?

I'll be just fine.

Sending my greetings for Germany,
                Madison Jeannine Wallace